Early weeks after delivery
Most parents feel extremely tired in the early weeks after delivery. Planning ahead can help you through this time. You may want to accept help from family and friends, but it is important to know what kind of help you will need. The best help from family or friends is usually help with meal preparation and housework. The early weeks after your baby is born is a special time for you and your partner to learn how to care for your baby while others can do chores. Some helpful advice for getting rest:
- Take naps when your baby does.
- Use paper plates and cups to save cleanup time after meals. Order take-out or choose prepared meal options offered by some grocery stores and delicatessans.
- Accept help from family and friends. Be clear and specific about the chores you need help with.
Emotional adjustment
You will experience times of great joy with your new baby, but you may also experience wide and sudden changes in mood. Many new mothers may develop “baby blues” after childbirth. Most women experience some feelings of sadness, as well as, crying spells and fatigue. Symptoms may also include feeling irritable, anxious, overwhelmed, and angry toward your partner, baby, or other children. These feelings are normal and it is estimated that 80% of women develop “baby blues” following delivery, Factors such as stress, hormonal changes, and exhaustion may cause temporary depression. Some women develop more severe postpartum depression after the first two to three weeks characterized by more intense feelings of sadness, anxiety, or despair and possibly suicidal thoughts. These feelings interfere with the new mother’s ability to take care of herself or her baby.
However, some women develop a condition known as postpartum depression following the birth of a baby. This is a more serious condition than “baby blues” as symptoms are ongoing for longer than two weeks following delivery. Postpartum depression is characterized by more intense feelings of sadness, anxiety, or despair, and possible thoughts of harming yourself, the baby, or your other children. These feelings interfere with the new mother’s ability to care for herself or her baby. If you develop any signs of postpartum depression, you should seek medical attention right away. Do not wait, hoping that the feelings will go away, as symptoms are likely to continue to worsen without help. The Austin are 24-hour crisis hotline is 472-HELP (4357).
If you develop any signs of postpartum depression, you should discuss this with your doctor or health care provider and take steps right away to get the support and help you need.
Fatherhood
New fathers will experience enormous personal growth. Your role as a father will allow you to contribute to the shaping of a human being. You will have the experience of being protector, teacher, nurturer, and transmitter of culture. There are many things a father can do to help your child grow and learn:
- Become the most significant male figure in your child’s life. Be a role model for what you want your son or daughter to become.
- Develop your own style of relating to your baby and providing care.
- Be there at bedtime. Kiss and hug your child goodnight.
- Hold, rock, cuddle and sing lullabies to your baby.
- Help with bath time and diaper changes.
- Read books or tell stories to your baby.
- Comfort baby when baby is upset or crying. Assure your child that you are there for him or her.
- Look for local groups and classes that help new dads with fathering. Also look for books on fathering from the public library. (See Resource section).
- Have fun and spend playtime with your baby. Watch and enjoy your child’s first steps, words, and more.
Becoming a couple again
Because of fatigue and all of the demands of parenthood, it is sometimes difficult to maintain a healthy relationship with your partner. It is usually helpful for couples to divide household chores so that neither of you feels overwhelmed. It is very important to keep the lines of communication open and to plan some “couple time” alone together. Many couples find marriage counseling to be helpful when their children are young.
Sibling adjustment
Siblings may have a period of adjustment after the arrival of their brother or sister. Seton offers a Big Brother/ Big Sister tour. The following tips may help you ease the adjustment period for your child:
Before the new baby comes:
- Encourage your child to feel the baby move
- Talk about feelings and how things will change after the baby comes
- Teach about the importance of washing hands and gently holding baby
- Arrange for childcare while you are in the hospital. Write down routines and phone numbers for the caregiver.
While you are in the hospital:
- Encourage your child to draw pictures so you can put them up in your hospital room.
- Encourage your child to visit you and baby in the hospital. Have a surprise gift waiting (i.e. a book or small toy). Let visitors or family hold the baby while you hold and hug your older child.
- Call your child at home during the day just to tell them hello and that you miss them.
At home
- Plan special time each day to spend with your children. Each child needs time alone with each parent (even if it is just reading a book or taking a walk around the block).
- Try to plan for your older child to nap at the same time as the baby (and you!). For older children, plan a quiet activity if they don’t nap.
- When the baby is 2 to 3 months old, have the older child “read” or tell stories to the baby. Babies at this age are very responsive which will make your older child feel important.
Choosing Child Care
If you will be returning to work or school after your baby is born, choosing a good day care provider is very important. You will want to be sure that your child is safe and happy while you are away. Thoroughly check out the center or provider you are considering. The National Association for the Education of Young Children (NAEYC) accredits facilities that voluntarily provide excellent care above the minimum standards. Drop by unannounced several times to check for yourself:
- How many children are being watched by each adult caregiver?
- Is the facility clean and “childproofed” for safety hazards?
- What are the qualifications and experience of the caregivers?
- Does the staff seem friendly and nurturing? Are they supportive if you plan to provide breast milk?
- Is the facility or caregiver licensed or accredited? (Licensing means minimum standards are met, accreditation means care above minimum standards).
- Plan ahead. Many day care centers will take your name on a waiting list even before your baby is born.